“The longest way round is the shortest way home.”
Attributed to C.S. Lewis

Weeks passed. Perhaps only days. I honestly can’t remember. What I do remember is that after I prayed, something had changed. Outwardly, life continued as usual. I attended classes, studied in the physics library, and met with Jake nearly every Sunday evening. Nothing miraculous happened. There was no voice from heaven, no dream, no dramatic sign.

But inwardly, one statement of Jesus would not leave me alone.

I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:6 (ESV)

Those words echoed through my mind as I walked across campus, sat in class, studied late into the night, and lay awake in bed. For months I had believed that all sincere religions ultimately led to the same God. That belief had become one of the central teachings of the movement I had embraced.

But Jesus left no room for that conclusion. He did not claim to be a way. He claimed to be the way. Either He was telling the truth… or He was not. There was no middle ground. I realized that my search was no longer about comparing religions. It had become a question of whether I believed Jesus Himself.

Then came the week before Easter, 1982. One night I lay awake in my dorm room. Sleep would not come. I stared into the darkness as thoughts raced through my mind. For more than an hour I tossed and turned, replaying everything that had happened over the past several months. Jake’s patient answers. Our Sunday evening Bible studies. The countless questions I had brought him. His simple challenge: “Then ask Him.”

I had done exactly that. Now I found myself standing at a crossroads. If Jesus really was who He claimed to be…everything would have to change. I thought about my father. He had introduced me to meditation. He had found peace there. How could I now tell him that I believed Jesus alone was the way to God? Then I thought about Divine Mother. She sincerely believed she was leading people to God. She had shown me nothing but kindness. How could I reject everything she had taught?

Then another thought came. What if I was wrong? What if I had misunderstood everything? But that question was immediately followed by another. What if Jesus was right? John 14:6 echoed in my mind once again. “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Those words refused to let me go. I realized that I wasn’t wrestling with science. I wasn’t wrestling with philosophy. I wasn’t even wrestling with religion. I was wrestling with Jesus Himself. Looking back, I know I was wrestling with God. The struggle wasn’t over the evidence anymore. The evidence had convinced me. The real battle was surrender. My pride wanted one more answer. One more sign. One more reassurance.

But faith doesn’t begin when every question has been answered. Faith begins when we trust the One who has answered enough. Finally… I could resist no longer. Into the darkness of that quiet dorm room I cried out, “Okay, God! You win!”

The battle inside me was over. At that very instant there was the briefest flash of light. It lasted less than a second. Yet it was unmistakable. I immediately opened my eyes and looked around the room. Everything appeared normal. The room was still dark. Nothing else had changed. I wasn’t even sure what had just happened.

Had I become a Christian?

I honestly didn’t know.

The next morning I awoke. The campus looked exactly the same. My dorm room looked exactly the same. I knelt beside my bed and prayed again. “Lord, please confirm what happened.” Again…Nothing extraordinary happened.

No visions. No voices. No overwhelming emotions. But something had changed. The anxiety that had followed me for months was gone. In its place was a peace I had never experienced before. Quiet. Deep. Certain. Somewhere deep within, I simply knew. Jesus Christ was exactly who He claimed to be. He was God. He was my Lord. He was my Savior.

I didn’t tell Jake immediately. About a week later, I finally shared what had happened. His face lit up. He smiled and said, “Praise God! I’ve been praying for you!” We embraced. It was different than any embrace we had shared before. Until then, he had been my friend. Now he was my brother in Christ. My search for truth was over.

But even in that moment of joy, I knew another confrontation awaited me. The semester would soon end. I would be returning to Hawaii. And there were two people I knew I had to tell.

My father.

And Divine Mother.

I had no idea how they would respond.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1 (ESV)

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