There were moments I thought I would never finish this story. Not because I ran out of words. Because life kept happening while I was trying to understand it.
For forty years, pathology shaped the rhythm of my days. Slides. Diagnoses. Conferences. Phones ringing during dinner. Late-night sign-outs. Building a laboratory. Losing one. Training residents. Earning trust. Carrying pressure that rarely stayed at work when the day ended.
Somewhere along the way, the work stopped being something I did. It became part of who I was. That realization became Pushing Glass.
What began as a story about medicine slowly became something else. A story about ambition. Marriage. Identity. Success. Exhaustion. Fear. Pride. Grace. And the quiet question that eventually confronts almost everyone:
What happens when the work becomes your life?
The trilogy follows James Deetan across four decades of medicine and life — beginning as a Chinese Filipino foreign medical graduate arriving in St. Louis for pathology residency, entering America for the very first time, and eventually continuing through fellowship, private practice, marriage, family, academic medicine, success, burnout, transition, and retirement in Los Angeles.
But beneath the microscopes and pathology slides, Pushing Glass was never really about medicine alone.
It was about seeing.
Seeing others clearly.
Seeing ourselves honestly.
And eventually realizing how much of life can pass by while we are busy trying to hold everything together.
The Trilogy
Book 1
St. Louis.
The first year of pathology residency.
James arrives in America for the first time as a Chinese Filipino foreign medical graduate carrying both gratitude and insecurity. Everything feels unfamiliar — the hospitals, the culture, the expectations, the isolation. Long nights. New responsibility. Constant pressure to prove he belongs. Medicine is no longer theoretical. Every diagnosis suddenly matters.
Book 2
Still in St. Louis.
The remaining two years of residency.
Friendships deepen. Relationships become more complicated. The institutional machinery of medicine becomes clearer. James slowly learns that survival in medicine requires more than intelligence alone. Questions about identity, calling, success, loneliness, and sacrifice quietly emerge beneath the surface of training.
Book 3
Los Angeles.
Fellowship. Private practice. Marriage. Family. Building a laboratory. Academic medicine. Ambition. Burnout. Success. Loss. Reflection.
The longest and most personal part of the story follows James through decades of work and life as he slowly discovers that achievement alone cannot carry the weight of a human soul.
Finishing this trilogy feels strange. For years, these characters quietly traveled beside me. Some moments were fictionalized. Others were painfully close to real life. Many were shaped by experiences accumulated over decades inside hospitals, laboratories, conference rooms, classrooms, and conversations most people never see.
But over time, I realized the deeper story was not happening under the microscope. It was happening inside the people looking through it. In many ways, Pushing Glass became my attempt to understand the tension between usefulness and identity. Between accomplishment and peace. Between striving and surrender.
And ultimately, the story led me back to something much simpler.And ultimately, the story led me back to something much simpler.
What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?
Mark 8:36 (ESV)
The work matters. Excellence matters. Service matters. But none of those things were ever meant to replace the deeper things God gives us: faith, family, grace, love, and the quiet mercy of being known beyond what we produce.
The Pushing Glass Trilogy is now complete. All three books, including full chapter tables of contents, are now available on The Bereans Blog.
Thank you to everyone who has read, encouraged, commented, prayed, or simply walked beside me through these years. I spent forty years pushing glass.
But maybe the real story was what God was doing on the other side of it all along.
— Paul K. Shitabata, M.D.
Love and trust the Lord; seek His will in your life.
https://youtube.com/shorts/TiJT3E7RVNA
