“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
Attributed to C.S. Lewis

That night, I walked slowly back to my dorm. Normally, after spending an evening talking with Jake, my mind would be racing. I would replay every conversation, testing his answers against my own reasoning and trying to think of new questions for the following Sunday. But this night was different. There were no more arguments to analyze. No more questions to ask. No more passages of Scripture to examine. For the first time in months, Jake had given me no new evidence to consider. He had simply challenged me to do something I had never done before.

As I walked across the quiet campus, I found myself thinking less about what Jake believed and more about my own search. For months, I had immersed myself in questions. I had compared Christianity with the teachings of Divine Mother. I had listened carefully to Jake explain the Bible. I had wrestled with the claims of Jesus. I had read the Scriptures with an open mind. I had questioned assumptions I had held for years. More than anything else, I wanted to know the truth.

Then a thought suddenly stopped me. I had spent months trying to determine whether God existed…without ever speaking to Him. The irony was almost embarrassing. If I genuinely wanted to know the truth…why hadn’t I simply asked? Perhaps because I wasn’t convinced anyone was there. Prayer seemed like something religious people did. People who already believed. Not skeptics. Not science majors. Certainly not me. But if I was completely honest, there was another reason. I was afraid. Not afraid that nothing would happen. I was afraid that something might. If there really was a God…and if He answered…my entire understanding of reality could change.

By the time I reached my dorm room, I had made my decision. I was going to pray. I quietly closed the door behind me. The room was still. For a few moments, I simply stood there. I had never prayed before. Not once. I wasn’t raised praying. I didn’t know whether I should kneel. Fold my hands. Close my eyes. Or simply speak. Did any of those things matter? I had no idea.

Eventually, I knelt beside my bed. Not because anyone had taught me to. It simply felt like the right thing to do. For several moments, I couldn’t say anything. It felt awkward. Almost foolish. Was I really about to speak into an empty room? Or was Someone actually listening? Finally, I took a deep breath. Then I began.

“God…I don’t know if You’re there. But if You are…
I don’t know who You are.
I don’t know if You’re the God Jake has been telling me about.
I don’t know if You’re the God of the Bible.
I don’t know if You’re the God that Divine Mother teaches.
I don’t know if You’re the God of the Hindus.
I honestly don’t know.
But if there is one true God…if You are real…please reveal Yourself to me. I don’t want to believe something simply because someone told me it was true. I don’t want to reject the truth because of my own pride. I want to know what is true. Wherever the truth leads… give me the courage to follow it. Please show me.”

That was all. No dramatic ending. No emotional experience. No voice from heaven. No vision. No unmistakable sign. Only silence. For several minutes, I remained there, listening. Nothing. Eventually, I stood up and climbed into bed. As I stared into the darkness, I wondered if I had just spent the last few minutes talking to myself. If there was a God…had He heard me? Or had I simply spoken into an empty room? I didn’t know. Within minutes, I was asleep.

Looking back now, I can see that this simple prayer marked the turning point of my search. I thought heaven had remained silent. I had no idea that God had already begun answering my prayer. But His answer would come in a way I never could have imagined.

To be continued…

If anyone’s will is to do God’s will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority.
John 7:17 (ESV)

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