The Search For Truth-A Memoir – Chapter 2: Chapel

“The longest journey any person makes is the eighteen inches from the head to the heart.”
Anonymous.

It was 7:50 in the morning. The bell rang, and our classroom rose almost in unison. We filed out into the hallway and joined a long procession of students making their way toward the school chapel. Every Tuesday and Thursday morning, from the sixth grade through my senior year of high school, this was our routine.

I attended a private Episcopalian school. Chapel wasn’t optional. Neither were religion classes. They were simply part of the curriculum, no different from English, algebra, or history.

The chapel services followed a familiar pattern. We recited the school prayer, sang a hymn, listened to Scripture, bowed our heads in prayer, and heard a brief sermon before returning to our classrooms. Religion class was just as structured.

The same priests who led chapel also taught our classes. We studied from a textbook that summarized the Old and New Testaments, and every day we were given essay quizzes based on the assigned reading. It didn’t take long for my classmates and me to discover the secret to getting good grades. We learned to write answers that sounded spiritual. If the teacher wanted a godly response, we gave a godly response. Whether we believed what we wrote hardly seemed to matter.

There were other incentives as well. We could earn extra credit by memorizing the books of the Bible. So we did.

Genesis. Exodus. Leviticus…

The names became part of my memory long before they became part of my life.

Looking back, I don’t blame my teachers. They were sincere men who faithfully taught what they believed. They prayed with us, preached to us, and tried to introduce us to the Bible. But somewhere along the way, I drew a conclusion that would shape the next several years of my life.

I came to believe that Christianity was simply another subject to study. It had lessons to memorize. Essays to write. Facts to recall. Grades to earn. Religion became another requirement to complete before moving on to the next class. I never remember asking whether any of it was actually true. More importantly, I never remember wondering whether God was real. To me, Christianity became something to perform rather than Someone to know.

Years later, I would realize there is an enormous difference between learning about God and knowing Him. Jesus once spoke to religious people who knew the Scriptures far better than I ever did. He said,

You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.
John 5:39-40 (ESV)

Jesus’ words in John 5 landed differently when I finally paid attention to them. He wasn’t criticizing people for studying Scripture. He was pointing out that Scripture was meant to lead them somewhere — to Him. They had stopped at the information and never moved toward the Person.

That was me.

I knew the outlines. I knew the stories. I knew the vocabulary. But I didn’t know the One all of it pointed to. Looking back, I can see that God was far more patient with me than I ever deserved. While I thought I was merely completing another school requirement, He was quietly planting seeds whose fruit I wouldn’t recognize for many years.

At the time, I walked out of chapel believing I understood Christianity.

In reality, my search for truth had only just begun.

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