“But He’s So Kind…” (Ephesians 5:31-33)

“But he’s so kind and good to me.”

I nodded and agreed. Jake is one of the kindest persons I know. I was speaking to Sally, a dear sister in Jesus Christ. Married to Jake for nearly fifteen years, they had two beautiful children. She was very happy but always regretted the fact that Jake was not a Christian. No one in the church ever shamed her and everyone loved their family. Yet, Sally often shared with us how she was praying for Jake to become a Christian. Occasionally, she attempted to justify why she married him, citing his loving and caring personality and pointed out that she had dated other Christian men who were not even close to the compassionate man that Jake was. She decided that she would rather be with a caring non-Christian than to settle for a Christian who was not as caring. 

I did not doubt her sincerity. It is important to find a loving and caring spouse and I am thankful that Jake is. If a Christian believer marries an unbeliever, it is not an unforgivable sin. Yet, it is not what God desires for an ideal marriage. God is not asking one to “settle” for a spouse, simply because they are a Christian. Neither is He asking one to choose a spouse based solely upon mutual interests and a personality match. What is God asking for us to look for in a spouse?

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 

Ephesians 5:31-33 (NLT)

God created us and He created marriage. It is much more than the union between a man and woman, it represents the union between Jesus Christ and His Church. This is a sacred bond. To love your spouse is the same as loving God and if one is not a Christian, this bond is incomplete. This shared faith in Jesus Christ must be at the center of any marriage. The personality, the caring, the generous spirit-all of these are very important, but these must follow after one’s commitment to first serve God. This must always be first. 

Marriage is difficult for all couples. It symbolizes the eternal love that Jesus Christ has for us. Why not begin with the One who created it? Only when both marriage partners are united in Jesus Christ will love find its highest and noblest expression. 

Love and trust in the Lord; seek His will in your life.

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