Many years ago, while still an undergraduate, I worked in a medical research laboratory alongside nearly two dozen other students. We were all eager pre-meds, ambitious and determined to distinguish ourselves. On the surface, everyone appeared friendly and supportive. But beneath that collegial exterior, competition was intense—a culture sometimes described as “pre-med syndrome.” Some students would shower their classmates with praise, only to whisper criticisms about them later to the attending physicians. They acted like friends while quietly trying to undermine one another.
Today, we have a word for people like that: frenemies.
A frenemy is someone who seems like a friend but, in some ways, acts like an enemy. The friendship may even seem genuine. There may be warm conversations, generous compliments, and frequent expressions of support. Yet underneath it all, there is jealousy, competition, or resentment. A frenemy praises you to your face but may not speak so kindly when you leave the room.
The word is relatively new, but the behavior certainly is not.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 27:6 (ESV)
At first, this verse seems to have things backward. We normally expect a friend to make us feel good and an enemy to hurt us. Yet Scripture tells us that a true friend may wound us, while an enemy may cover us with kisses.
Why?
Because a true friend cares enough to tell us what we may not want to hear. A faithful friend does not criticize us to make himself look better. He tells us the truth because he wants what is best for us. His words may hurt, but his intentions are loving.
An enemy may do just the opposite. The words sound gracious. The praise is flattering. The smile appears sincere. But the affection is only a disguise. Judas, after all, did not betray Jesus with a threat or a weapon. He betrayed Him with a kiss.
Of course, not everyone who compliments us is being insincere, and not everyone who criticizes us is a faithful friend. The difference is found in the heart. Is the person speaking for my good—or for his own advantage? Is he trying to help me grow—or quietly trying to bring me down?
It would be easy for me to think back to that laboratory and judge the students who behaved that way. But as I reflected on this, another question became much more uncomfortable: Have I ever been a frenemy?
Have I ever congratulated someone while secretly resenting his success? Have I praised someone in person and then pointed out his faults to others? Have I ever called something “concern” when it was really gossip? Have I felt just a little satisfaction when someone who seemed to be getting ahead of me stumbled?
Once again, Scripture gives us the answer:
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Romans 12:10 (ESV)
That is very different from what I saw in that laboratory. It is also very different from what we often see in business, politics, churches, families, and even ministries. Pre-med students are not the only people who struggle with ambition and jealousy. “Pre-med syndrome” can exist anywhere we begin to believe that another person’s success somehow diminishes our own.
There is nothing wrong with working hard or striving for excellence. The problem begins when getting ahead becomes more important than integrity, or when we feel the need to push someone else down in order to lift ourselves up.
God calls us to something better. We should be the same person whether someone is standing in front of us or has just left the room. We should speak the truth in love, refuse to participate in gossip, and learn to rejoice when others are honored—even when we are not.
Many years ago, I learned that someone could act like a friend while behaving like an enemy. But perhaps the more important lesson is not simply to watch out for frenemies. It is to make sure I never become one.
When a friend leaves the room, do my words still sound like those of a friend?
Love and trust in the Lord; seek His will in your life.
#faith #trustinggod #christianity #jesuschrist #bible #seekinggodswill #truth #sanctification #godisincontrol #godhearsourprayers #salvation #providenceofGod #premedsyndrome #frenemy #Proverbs27:6
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Most of us have probably known someone who praised us publicly but criticized us privately. The harder question is whether we have ever done the same. What do you think most often turns friendship into competition—jealousy, insecurity, ambition, or something else?