What If Joseph Had Shamed Mary? (Matthew 1:19)

Mary was pregnant, and Joseph knew the child was not his. We know how the story turns out. We know that Mary had conceived by the Holy Spirit and that the child she carried was Jesus. But when Joseph first learned that she was pregnant, he did not know any of that. Imagine what he must have thought. The woman he planned to marry appeared to have been unfaithful to him. Whatever future he had imagined with Mary was suddenly gone. He must have felt hurt, embarrassed, and probably angry.

Joseph could have made the matter public. He could have defended his honor by telling everyone what Mary had apparently done. At the very least, he could have made certain that no one blamed him. But that is not what he did.

And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.
Matthew 1:19 (ESV)

Joseph still planned to end the relationship. That is understandable. Based upon what he knew, Mary had betrayed him. Yet there is something about this verse that I had never fully appreciated. Joseph decided not to shame Mary before the angel explained anything to him. His mercy did not come after he learned that she was innocent. He showed mercy while he still believed she was guilty.

What if Joseph had chosen differently? This is not a question about whether he could have stopped God’s plan. Mary had already conceived Jesus. God did not need Joseph’s permission to send His Son into the world. But Joseph could have made Mary’s situation much worse. He could have exposed her to her family and community. He could have added humiliation and condemnation to the burden she was already carrying. He might even have convinced himself that he was simply standing up for what was right.

That is what makes his decision so relevant to us. There are times when we are certain that someone has wronged us. We have seen the evidence. We have reached a reasonable conclusion. We may even be right. And then we have a choice. Do we need other people to know what happened? Do we tell the story in a way that protects our reputation and damages theirs? Are we seeking justice, or do we also want the satisfaction of seeing that person embarrassed?

Joseph did not ignore what he believed Mary had done. He intended to divorce her. But he saw no reason to make her suffer publicly. Then, while he was considering what to do, God revealed what Joseph could not possibly have known:

Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.
Matthew 1:20 (ESV)

Joseph’s conclusion had been perfectly reasonable. It was also wrong. How often do we act upon a reasonable conclusion before we have the whole story? Once accusations are made public, they cannot always be taken back. Even when we later learn the truth, the damage may remain. Perhaps that is why Joseph’s first decision matters so much. He left room for something he did not yet understand. Because he did not act out of anger, he was still able to listen when God spoke.

Mercy does not require us to pretend that wrongdoing does not matter. It does ask us to consider whether every wrong must be exposed, every accusation repeated, and every offender publicly humiliated. Joseph could not determine whether God’s plan would succeed. But he could determine the kind of man he would be while that plan unfolded. He believed Mary had betrayed him. He had no idea that God was doing something extraordinary. And before he knew the truth, Joseph chose mercy.

The next time I am certain that someone else is wrong, I hope I will remember that. I may understand what I have seen. I may not understand everything God is doing.

Love and trust the Lord; seek His will in your life.

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