Why is this happening again?
It began innocently enough. It was a casual dinner conversation with our friends. We were joking about some mutual acquaintance when I let my guard down and shared some things about the person that was private and should not have been mentioned. My wife kicked my leg under the table but I knew it was too late. I attempted to mitigate the damage but the uneasy looks on my friend’s faces were convicting. Why didn’t I take a few seconds, stop, and think about what I was about to say? I was completely dejected and humiliated. The next morning, I slumped in my chair in my office and prayed to God for forgiveness asking on behalf of our mutual acquaintance whom I carelessly gossiped about, to my friends who heard it, and to my family. I also called my friends and apologized to them for my remarks. Then, in the solitude of my office, I asked God to take away this sinful desire to gossip along with so many other sins that continue to plague my life.
As I prayed, God’s Holy Spirit spoke to me. Instead of always praying for God to take away my sinful desires, should I also be thanking Him for these weaknesses? I do not wish to be misunderstood; I am not thankful for my sinful behaviors. I am ashamed and mortified by the depths of my depravity. God was directing me in another direction, challenging me to acknowledge my despair and seek another path.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV)
When I am confronted with the magnitude of my sins, it should compel me to rely solely upon His grace and mercy rather than attempt to change my faults by my own power. God’s grace is sufficient for me. I cannot add to it by my own efforts. As I have learned far too many times than I would like to recount, such attempts are futile and only lead to more frustration. God can and has taken away many sins in my life. Yet many remain and should lead me to be thankful to God that He is transforming and conforming me to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.
Don’t despair! Thank God!
Love and trust the Lord; seek His will in your life.