My backpack was already bursting at its seams and it was only 6 months old. I frantically stuffed it with my lab notebook for organic chemistry aware I had less than 15 minutes for lunch before my chemistry lab began and I anticipated a very long experiment, most likely intruding into my dinner. I would not have time to return to my dorm room so I also packed my biology textbook so that I could prepare for the midterm tomorrow, without leaving the science center. Another late night of cramming but in the midst of all this, a twinge of pain and regret cut into my heart. When was I going to find time to read the Bible and pray?
It was only a month since I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. It was my sophomore year in college, the busiest semester of my entire college experience. It seems silly to look back upon it now, but I had a genuine concern that my new faith would place too many demands upon my already overloaded schedule. My child-like faith was indeed child-like. It was not the eager accepting innocence of a child but the selfish and egocentric unfulfilled needs of a spoiled brat. My spiritual maturity was embryonic as I was more focused upon my comfort level and fitting God into my schedule than rearranging my life around God’s priorities. As much as I enjoyed reading the Bible and praying, I was already making excuses to push it aside.
Yet, over thirty-five years later, have things truly changed? My weekdays are consumed with my work and my free time is a precarious juggle between the needs of my family and my selfish desires to play guitar and exercise while watching the latest video series on social media. Meanwhile, I need to answer this email before it gets too late. I need to text my colleague to remind him about an upcoming deadline. Before I know it, the day is nearly gone but not before I attempt to squeeze in private quiet time with God. It is a slow erosion of my priorities. Is this living the victorious life in Jesus Christ?
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2 (ESV)
Jesus Christ suffered and died on the Cross and was resurrected. He secured salvation and the eternal victory for me. So why am I always battling with conforming to this world, behaving as if I am always on the losing side of my life? I am seldom in control and allow events to turn my attention away from God and onto myself and circumstances.
I am a sinner and my faith is weak. I cannot attempt to fit God in my life when it is convenient for me. I must continue to come to Jesus Christ, every moment of the day, to receive and delight in the abundant life He has given me. Only then, will I truly know the good, acceptable, and perfect life that God created me to enjoy, in continual fellowship with Him.
O Lord, please help my unbelief and increase my faith.
Love and trust the Lord; seek His will in your life.